A narcissist doesn’t want to be ignored and doesn’t like to be discarded. They have to be the ones who throw you away as an object. But if you are the one who discarded the narcissist, congratulations—you gave the narcissist their biggest punishment and injury.
A narcissist cannot accept that they were taken for granted—that their existence was so small, that it mattered so little to you that you just left them. It makes them question their worth and their omnipotence, because they like to believe that they are all powerful, impenetrable, immune.
But your act of leaving them is what sets them off. That is why they try to hoover you—not because they want to change or because they want to win your love back. They want to win their supply back. They want to reassure themselves that they are not as weak as your leaving made them feel.
So if you have already left the narcissist and they are hoovering you, do not give them any chance. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because you’ve done the right thing, everything will be fine. And if they’re promising things, if you’re seeing the change you always wanted to see, that is confirmation that they are trying to please you—just to bring you back. They have been seriously and devastatingly injured in their ego.
So keep moving on and don’t look back.
Number four: Self-righteousness and rigidity.
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