A narcissist wants you to believe that they cannot be affected by anything—that they are immune and unsusceptible to the flaws that you have and the people around them have. But the truth is entirely different and opposite to what they think their reality is. There are things that can shock them to their core and devastatingly impact them. And that is what we are going to talk about today in this episode.
Number one: When you do not choose the narcissist to stay in the relationship, narcissists think they are super charming—that they can get anyone they lay their eyes on, and that they can have any person in their life they choose because everyone is into them. They see people as objects collectively, and they assume that everyone wants to be with them.
So when you stop chasing them, their delusion gets challenged, and that makes them question their worth. That brings those insecurities to the surface. And guess what? When those insecurities start coming to the surface, they hate you—because they don’t want to face those insecurities. So they rage. They try to either win you back through hoovering, or, if that fails, they rage at you because you made them feel the insecurities that are already within them.
So ignorance is death to a narcissist. It makes them wonder, “How could you not be into me when everyone wants to be with me?” It is the ultimate injury to their false self.
Number two: When you take a narcissist by surprise.
Narcissists like predictability because predictability makes it easy for them to control you. That’s why they are so calculated, and that’s why they know that if they say something specific in particular, it’s going to elicit a specific, interconnected reaction from you. They know how to make you feel angry. They know how to make you feel sad—which is why they know what you are going to do if they act a certain way.
But if you take them by surprise—if you do something at the last moment and they can’t really read you, they can’t really guess you—it shocks them. When things happen in the moment, when you do something they are not prepared for, they are at risk of being exposed. A narcissist doesn’t want to be exposed.
And at the last moment, if you present an argument or if you hold your cool, if you don’t react, that debilitates the narcissist—because they don’t have the tools to deal with it. That is when the narcissist is shaken to their core, because they don’t know how to deal with the situation. Since there is no predictability, there is no control.
Number three: When you discard them and the tables get flipped on them, they lose their mind.
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