Lie number one: Tell them your exes were good people and the breakups happened simply because you weren’t a good fit.
When you start talking to someone new, your natural instinct is to share your past, right? You want to explain why your heart is bruised.
If you tell a narcissist that your ex cheated on you, lied to you, or made you feel worthless, you think you’re asking for comfort. You’re being transparent—but you’re unconsciously handing them an instruction manual.
They take notes on everything that hurt you before. They store that data deep in their brain. The exact moment they want to punish you or control you later, they will use those same moves—because they already know what works.
They know your triggers because you unconsciously gave them the blueprint.
To stop this from happening, you have to change the narrative completely—especially with new people. Look at them with a totally blank, boring face. Tell them your exes were good people, nothing wrong, and the breakups happened simply because the two of you weren’t a good fit.
Do not add extra intel. Do not cry. And do not say, “Don’t cry. Don’t be vulnerable. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.” Just act like you’re reading a boring weather report.
By doing this, you will make a narcissist’s system dysfunctional. It won’t be able to find an old wound to scratch. And it won’t have anything solid to grip onto.
Lie number two: Tell them you have an incredibly tight-knit circle of family and friends who check on you daily.
Even if that’s not the case, a predator never attacks the deer when it’s standing in the middle of the herd. They wait until the deer wanders off into the woods completely alone.
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