A narcissist survives and thrives on supply. We know that by now—supply can be positive or negative. They have to get it. It could be your positive attention, your admiration, and adulation. Or it could be your anger. It could be your sadness. It could be your resentment. Anything that they depend on.
Because when they get an emotional reaction from you, they feel in control. And when they feel in control, they feel better about themselves. It’s a very parasitic way of living. They depend on you more than you depend on them.
So when you don’t give them any reaction—when you don’t give them any emotional fuel—and when you become as boring as a grey rock… if you apply the grey-rocking technique, it shocks them to their core.
Some react and try to push you harder to get something from you. Others leave you alone because it becomes boring for them. There is no excitement, no emotional intensity, no chaos. There is no “high” they could achieve from abusing you.
So the more boring you are, the more they are repelled by you—or triggered by you—because they can’t stand being ignored that way. It’s one form of powerlessness that they deeply feel, and it’s triggered by your unemotional responses.
Number six: When you start living your best life and you start thriving without them.
A narcissist wants you to be dependent on them all the time. They believe—and want you to believe—that you are nothing without them. They want you to stay in the dungeons of control and darkness forever. They want you to be and feel broken forever.
They can’t see you emerge from your ashes like a phoenix. They can’t see you rising. But when you do all of that—when you heal after narcissistic abuse and rise from your ashes like a phoenix, when you embrace yourself and your experiences, when you accept yourself as a human being, when you release the self-doubt that they put in you, when you let go of the negative beliefs and the negative feelings that they installed in your psyche—you become a symbol of freedom.
And that means you become a kryptonite for a narcissist. A narcissist can’t stand seeing you shine—it dims them and basically repels that darkness away. So when they see you shining, when they see you emerging, when they see you healing, when they see you becoming your greatest version possible after narcissistic abuse—it is one of the biggest defeats for the narcissist.
It again makes them question all the assumed things and qualities they believe about themselves—things like omnipotence, things like being all-powerful, knowing it all, and so on. That’s put into question, because you’ve proven them wrong, and they can’t stand it.
Number seven (and the final one): When you show kindness—when you display a quality, a personality trait, that they do not have themselves.
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