And this misunderstanding creates enormous isolation for survivors, because now not only are you being abused, but you also feel like nobody truly understands what is happening to you. You may even begin doubting yourself, because the narcissist’s public persona feels so different from the private experience you are living through.
And this is where many survivors begin feeling trapped between two completely different realities: the reality they are privately experiencing and the reality everyone else believes.
Over time, living inside of this kind of environment starts profoundly affecting your nervous system. You begin existing in a constant state of hypervigilance. Your body starts anticipating emotional attacks before they even happen. Your brain becomes consumed with trying to predict moods, prevent conflict, restore connection, and maintain emotional stability. You become emotionally exhausted from constantly monitoring the environment, and eventually your nervous system starts operating almost entirely from survival mode—fight, flight, freeze, fawn. Your cortisol levels remain elevated. Your body becomes flooded with chronic stress hormones. Your sleep deteriorates. Your anxiety increases.
Your emotional regulation completely weakens, and eventually even minor provocations can trigger disproportionately emotional reactions, because your nervous system is already overloaded.
And I think this is something survivors often fail to fully appreciate. At the time reactive abuse occurs, most survivors are already psychologically exhausted. They are not reacting from a calm, emotionally safe, regulated state. They are reacting from accumulated emotional strain, constant confusion, nervous system dysregulation, and prolonged psychological injury.
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