As you learn about the narcissistic pattern, it’s also wise to reflect on much healthier alternatives. Now below, you’re going to find a link to my new extensive course called Ready, Set, Connect. It addresses both the mindset and the skills involved in gratifying relationships, and I hope you’ll find it to be quite therapeutic.
There’s one thing that we can say with a great deal of certainty: narcissists are constantly in a compensation mode. Behind the scenes in their personality, they have lots of unresolved strains, tensions, and conflicts. Rather than saying, “I have entered into strains, intentions, and conflicts,” no—they don’t want to have to introspect like that and take responsibility for who they are.
That being the case, they look at their interactions with other people as being a competition. This is true whether you’re not living with that person, or whether it’s someone in your extended family, in a social setting, in an organization, or at work—wherever it might be. Narcissists are constantly trying to figure out how to make you look like you’re the problem, so they can sidestep the responsibility of having to come to terms with their contributions to perhaps some of the difficulties in a relationship.
I want you to be aware of some of the tactics they use—some of the tricks they try to use to make you look like a problematic person, as part of them sidestepping their own responsibility for the difficulty they have. So what I’m going to do is go through seven different ways—seven different tricks that narcissists like to use with you to make you look responsible for them. In their mind, you’re such a difficult person.
The first trick I want you to be aware of—and as soon as I say this, you’re going to nod your head and say, “Oh yeah, this is it”—is that narcissists love to bait you into an argument.
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