Ever wondered what happens behind the scenes in the secret lives these individuals lead? It’s a tale of two faces: one they meticulously craft for the public eye and another hidden from view, filled with manipulation and abuse. In this deep dive, we’ll unveil the stark contrast between their carefully cultivated public image and the reality that unfolds behind closed doors. So stay with me as we unravel the intricate web of the covert narcissist’s double life.
Today, we’re focusing on the covert narcissist, and we will explain in detail some of the differences between how they present themselves to the outside world versus how they manipulate, control, abuse, and deceive people behind closed doors. Though they are much more subtle than the overt narcissist, they are still narcissists and just as controlling and deceitful as any other narcissist. They are simply better at disguising it. Remember, the name of the game for all narcissists is control; that’s what motivates their abusive behaviors, and the covert narcissist is no exception. However, some of their abuse and manipulation tactics are slightly unique. More than any other type of narcissist, their double lives are the most difficult to figure out and often the most shocking.
The first point on this topic is their use of what I call “intrusive control.” In public, the covert narcissist is known to present themselves as polite and respectful, very respectful of people’s privacy, just like anyone you might encounter. They try very hard to appear as if they respect your boundaries and personal space. Covert narcissists understand basic societal norms and have worked hard to present a public image that adheres to all acceptable behaviors. Pretending to respect and honor the boundaries and privacy rights of others is part of their act. However, behind closed doors, they turn into something entirely different. They invade your privacy in unexpected ways. This could apply to people in their family, personal friends, coworkers, partners, spouses, siblings, neighbors—you name it.
It could be as blatant as reading your personal diaries or messages without your consent or might involve eavesdropping on your conversations, attempting to gain insight into your thoughts and feelings or collecting information they can use against you at a later date. This could even manifest into more serious tactics and possibly criminal behaviors, like stalking and spying, where they follow you to gain information about you or possibly set up hidden cameras in your house, car, or office. You have to understand that their use of intrusive control isn’t just an invasion of your personal space; it’s a means of control and manipulation. By knowing your secrets and vulnerabilities, they are much better equipped to maintain power and control over you. It’s a way for them to stay one step ahead, manipulating your thoughts and emotions, all while maintaining their phony public facade.
This is an example of the stark contrast between their public image and their private actions. Another example of their double life and complete hypocrisy in how they portray themselves publicly versus how they behave when they think no one important will find out is that they exploit other people’s vulnerabilities for personal gain. In public, covert narcissists typically appear incredibly empathetic, understanding, and completely trustworthy. However, behind closed doors, it’s not uncommon for these narcissists to utilize private and personal information against whoever they have in their crosshairs.
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