He may insist on positions like coming from behind or needing to finish by his own hand because these allow him to mentally leave the room. Think about it: he’s not bad at sex only; he’s strategically distancing himself so that you never get close enough to see the cracks in his armor. By withholding affection and passion, he keeps you in a state of chronic confusion and self-doubt. That ensures your energy is spent wondering why you are not enough rather than realizing that he is fundamentally hollow and empty.
Reason number four is seeking approval from the alpha tribe. The narcissist is far more concerned with his status among men than he is with his connection to you. He views other men as the only audience that matters, and his macho posturing is his entry fee into that beta-shaming club.
He engages in extreme locker room talk, makes derogatory jokes about women to his friends, and jumps at every chance to plan male-only trips while letting his promises to you rot. He targets younger women—what he calls “never models”—as high-status trophies to silence any whispers about his sexuality among his peers. He needs to be seen as the man who can get any woman, yet he often lacks any desire to actually be with her. You are simply the set dressing for his performance.
He cares more about what the men in his life think of him than about the tears you cry when he ignores you because their validation is the only thing keeping his secret safe. For all these reasons, I’ve said before, all narcissistic men are psychologically gay. Sexually, they may or may not be, but psychologically, 100%.
If you have spent years feeling like a ghost in your own home, I want you to understand that this was never about your value as a woman. You have been used as a human shield for a narcissist who is too terrified to face the mirror. His robotic intimacy, constant alpha posturing, and cruel withholding of affection are not problems for you to solve. They are symptoms of his internal war.
You cannot love a narcissist into accepting his own truth, and you cannot be perfect enough to bridge the gap that he is purposefully creating to hide his own shame. The coldness that you feel in your bed is real, and it is the result of a man living a total lie at your expense. So stop wasting your life trying to find a reason in hopes of a resolution. The reason is within him, and it is a prison he has spent his entire life building.
Your job is to stop being the human barrier between him and his own reflection. Walk away from the role of prop and reclaim your own life.
Have you noticed this alpha mask leaking in your relationship? Have you been with this type of man? That’s what I’m asking. Let me know in the comments.
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