As you all know, the narcissist’s entire existence is built upon a house of cards known as the false self. He must appear superior, untouchable, and perfectly aligned with whatever his chosen culture deems powerful. In his mind, any deviation from a rigid, hyper-masculine ideal is not just a preference; it’s a catastrophic defect that would collapse his entire god persona. He views homosexuality through a lens of extreme weakness. To him, being gay is synonymous with being conquerable or submissive.
He’s not just trying to fit into society; no, that’s not what it’s about. He’s trying to stay atop a self-created hierarchy where he is the ultimate alpha. You are the most important piece of evidence in this trial. By keeping you in his bed, he presents you to the world as a living, breathing certificate that validates his virility.
He uses your presence to convince himself that he is the man he pretends to be while his true internal reality remains a source of hidden terror. This brings us to reason number two: suppressing internalized toxic shame.
At the very foundation of narcissism is a hollow core of profound shame. For many of these men, growing up in environments where same-sex attraction was equated with humiliation forced them to build a secondary mask, which serves as a survival mechanism. This mask is designed to bury his true desires so deep that even he doesn’t have to look at them. But shame cannot be buried quietly, can it? It leaks out as aggression.
He becomes the loudest voice in the room, mocking soft men and being the most brutal critic of women—of misogyny—because he’s projecting his own self-loathing onto everyone else. When he devalues you, calls you all sorts of names, or critiques your clothes and weight until you feel invisible, he’s really attacking the feminine presence that he refuses to accept within himself.
He is a man trapped in a 24/7 performance of heterosexuality, fueled by a self-hatred that he expects you to absorb for him. Then comes the third reason: evading emotional and vulnerable intimacy.
For a narcissist, real intimacy is a threat because it requires him to be seen. If he were to engage in deep kissing, sustained eye contact, or prolonged foreplay, the risk of his mask slipping becomes too great. He avoids these acts of vulnerability, regardless of his actual orientation, because they require a soul-to-soul connection that he is terrified to provide. Instead, he keeps the physical act robotic and quite dissociative.
The Tables Have Turned, and They Hope You Never Know
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