In my view, the only sane answer for someone in a relationship with a destructive narcissist is to, at the very least, put some distance between you, if not break away from them entirely, if you’re able. I know that’s not always easy, convenient, or even possible right away, but if you can, it’s always going to be your best bet. Difficult as they may make it for you, ignoring the narcissist entirely is absolutely the most effective way to sever ties with them permanently. You can count on the fact that narcissists will act out when they realize their chosen target is now rejecting them, and you can expect they will go to great lengths to retaliate and, like I said, reel you back in if they think they stand a chance. If they think they can get away with it, they will be willing to do and say whatever it takes.
They’ll use guilt tripping in an attempt to manipulate you. They’ll try shaming you into complying, and when that doesn’t work, they’ll switch tactics and try flattery and love bombing, then more guilt and shame. And so it goes. Remember, if you’ve been ensnared with a narcissist in any area of your life, you are a source of narcissistic supply for that person. If you’re serious about breaking free and moving on so you can heal, for real, the key is to not respond to any of their tactics—to literally starve them of all emotional and energetic supply.
Again, if you’re serious about breaking free permanently, they may initially present with seeming indifference, but that will soon shift to things like mocking and other forms of provocation. When that doesn’t work, they may even resort to bullying, threats, and rageful tirades. Either way, you can count on the fact that they’ll be smearing you to anyone who will listen, always sure to position themselves as the victim and you, of course, as the big bad villain. No matter how despicably they themselves have behaved, this is what they’ll have to say about you.
Eventually, though, chances are good you’ll be on the receiving end of a hoovering attempt; it’s just a matter of time. In fact, you can probably count on it. They’ll project their own attitudes and behaviors onto you, accusing you of doing and being exactly what they’ve done all along. At some point, the flying monkeys and little minions will be sent in to deliver messages and weigh in with their opinions—opinions they have, of course, while being in possession of a small fraction of the actual story along with all manner of lies and distortions.
Ultimately, when a narcissist is ignored entirely and therefore left feeling abandoned and rejected, they will have to turn it around. Somehow, the narrative will become that they were the ones who had to make the decision, the ones who did the dumping, rejecting, firing, walking away, and ending the friendship, relationship, or whatever the case may be. They’ll paint themselves as the one who closed the door because, you know, they have to be superior and in control.
At the end of the day, who cares what they say? As long as you’re taking good care of yourself and you’re free, that’s all that really matters. If you hold the line and starve them out, literally cut off their oxygen, and starve them of all emotional and energetic supply, they will ultimately be forced to go elsewhere to get their sick kicks and narcissistic needs met, and you’ll be left in peace. And that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.
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