Consider what I am saying: if you were abandoned, what happened? If a narcissist stole everything from you and switched to new supply, they left you before you could leave them. They may have attempted to “Hoover” you back into their lives, but don’t accept it. If you didn’t get Hoovered, great! That shows that you’re strong and healing.
Everything I’m sharing comes from a place of understanding your lowest point. You may have faced the Dark Night of the Soul, but you found the needle in the haystack through learning and contributing to your community. You live another day to pay it forward.
You are discovering that the relationship nearly destroyed you, but it ultimately failed—just as all narcissistic relationships do. Yes, I’m repeating myself because I want you to recognize how far you’ve come.
Life is dynamic; your energy shifts daily, weekly, and monthly. The more you distance yourself from the narcissist and minimize toxic relationships, the stronger you become. If you were caught in the trauma bond, you must break it. No contact is essential for recovery. If complete avoidance isn’t possible, use the gray rock method or try to be boring.
Remember, it never occurred to the narcissist that you would heal. They thought you were weak and lost, with no belief, energy, strength, money, or support after all the damage they inflicted on you. They assumed you would never succeed.
Read between the lines: if you failed, they would blame you for being too weak. Every smear campaign they waged against you would appear validated in their minds. However, the truth is that the narcissist does not want you to heal—now or in the future.
They don’t want you to know how toxic they are. Once you figure them out, you can set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. Saying “no” becomes your superpower. Rejecting the narcissist is like using repellent; they can’t cope, become enraged, and their true colors show.
Finding the needle in the haystack and accepting that relationship as a lifelong lesson is essential. If you have endured toxic relationships, remember that you’ve emerged stronger by breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse. You have proven your resilience. Whether you’re thriving or still healing, know that you’re not alone.
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