Their devaluation of you stemmed from their boredom. You were captured; the chase and hunt were over. They had you as their plaything, extracting resources from you. They would disappear for hours or days, engaging with replacements or other sources of supply—friends, opportunities, or even other relationships.
However, the narcissist did not expect you to put yourself back together. You overcame the trauma bond and learned what narcissism was, how it affected you, and that you needed to prioritize your own healing. If you were discarded, my heart goes out to you. Even if the relationship ended on your terms, you were still with a toxic person for a long time.
The narcissistic abusive cycle is something few experience, but you have. You found the needle in the haystack, and that one revelation unlocked your future and freed you from the toxic relationship. The narcissist never wanted to be understood, never wanted you to heal, or have your breakthrough. They hid their true nature behind a mask and kept their victims in a trance. But you escaped.
You are healing, learning, and possibly teaching. You are awakening, empowered, and understanding that you come first, not the narcissist. The narcissist deceived and trapped you; they never wanted you to find that needle to unlock your escape from their fog.
Understand this: the narcissist never wanted closure. They cannot introspect, be accountable, or take blame. Their limited understanding keeps them from offering closure. They believe they do everything right and make no mistakes, but they make errors every day.
When the children of a narcissist grow up, they often want nothing to do with them. They realize the manipulation and abuse. After recognizing this dynamic, they find their needle in the haystack, often proclaiming that the relationship nearly killed them.
Narcissists will fail in future relationships just as they have in past ones. They are insatiably hungry for people, things, shiny objects, and new supplies, and they know they will never be satisfied. The narcissist never thought you would heal. They believed you would never be strong enough to repair yourself. They didn’t think you would learn to identify who they really were.
They underestimated your strength to endure and survive, even after they discarded you, used smear campaigns to destroy your support network, and left you without anyone checking on you. This is why narcissists can vanish quickly; they took what they could and refuse to reflect on their actions.
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