Now, why am I explaining this to you? You will understand shortly. Here’s a hint: I want you to fully realize that you are not making this up. It’s not in your head, and you are not broken. You are struggling with something beyond your control. Many survivors are unfortunately told that it’s their social anxiety. In truth, it is one of the major trauma responses that you get shamed for, which is unfortunate. The moment you think about attending an event or social gathering, what happens? You feel stuck and frozen. You feel as if you can’t move, function, or do anything at all. You start believing you have some sort of disorder, that you are broken beyond repair or that you are just naturally shy or introverted. But that is not the case in this context; it’s the nervous system perceiving leaving as a massive threat.
Personal Story of Isolation and Bullying
This is exactly what happened in my case. This is my story. As a child, I spent most of my time confined to my home. For this reason, people, including my own family, would call me all sorts of names. I would not go out to play with other kids or explore the world. Everyone thought I was shy or lazy and even called me a coward. But I was not. Nobody knew that both the inside and outside of my home were different parts of hell. For me, the only difference was that the inside of my home was a familiar hell that I knew how to navigate. I could find corners to hide in, but outside it was extremely unpredictable.
You may ask, what made it so unpredictable? The answer is extreme bullying. I had not only been subjected to narcissistic abuse at home but had also experienced the worst form of bullying outside. When I was forced to take my mother back after a separation of 7 to 8 years, I was suddenly dropped into a community that didn’t accept me. I wanted to belong, but they rejected me repeatedly and continued to do so. Why? Because I was the one with different mannerisms and customs. The children in the local community saw me as the weird one, the crazy one. I could not fit in anywhere and was heavily bullied. I still remember how these kids, and even many of the adults, would chase me on the roads. I could not walk anywhere peacefully.
I remember my mother asking me to go out to buy groceries or run simple errands. She thought I was just being shy, resistant, or lazy. When I refused, she considered me disobedient. This would invite even more shaming from her and her husband, along with guilt-tripping and physical abuse. I often had to force myself to go out. This cycle made me extremely socially anxious. I would stutter when trying to talk to people, could not make eye contact, and would shiver and sweat uncontrollably in social situations. I struggled with this every single day. I just wanted to stay in my home forever—no events, no school, no social situations, nothing. But that was not my natural shyness. If you are struggling with the same thing, maybe it’s not your shyness either. It’s not merely social anxiety, and it’s definitely not introversion. It’s your trauma response.
We survivors do not trust unfamiliar situations because we do not know how to navigate the unpredictable unpredictability. We do not know what kind of attack may be launched at us next. So what do we do? We choose what feels safe, even when that safety is actually isolation.
The Impact of Trauma on Social Interactions
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