This is why you cannot compete with the enabling parent, the narcissistic mother of the narcissistic man. You’re bringing logic to a gunfight. You’re bringing emotional maturity to a tantrum. You are trying to reason with a person who has retreated into a fortress built by their ancestors. When my grandfather told my father I would not be faithful, he was solidifying the us-versus-them mentality. He was giving my father permission to discard me, to hate me, and to view me as the enemy. My father took that permission and ran with it because it was easier than facing the fact that he was failing his family.
So when you see them run back to mommy or daddy after a collapse, understand what is happening. They are not looking for advice, are they? They are looking for a reset. They want to be told that the lie is still true. They are getting a refill of their narcissism from the original source. You must let them go, please. You cannot drag them out of that sanctuary. No. If they want to live in a house of mirrors where they are always the fairest of them all, let them. You belong in the real world—a world where actions have consequences, where love includes accountability, and where loyalty is earned, not demanded.
My grandfather was right: I was not faithful to them. I broke the cycle.
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