This anecdote illustrates exactly where the narcissist runs: to the enabling parent. They seek a court of appeals where the judge is corrupt. When you hold a narcissist accountable, you are essentially finding them guilty in the court of reality. They cannot handle that verdict. So they flee to the jurisdiction of the parent, where the verdict is always “not guilty by reason of superiority.” This parent acts as a historical revisionist. When the narcissist runs to them, crying about how mean you are, how crazy you are, or how you do not understand them, the parent rewrites the script. They will say things like, “She never deserved you anyway,” or “You always were too good for them,” or “They are just jealous of you.” They reinflate the narcissist’s punctured ego, pumping them back up with the same toxic gas that raised them. It creates a sanctuary of delusion in that house. The narcissist doesn’t have to be a husband, a wife, a father, or an employee; they can just be the golden child again. They revert to a state of infancy where their needs are paramount and their flaws invisible. It’s a regression. You’re dealing with an adult who has biologically aged, but psychologically, has not. When they hit a wall, they become six years old again, hiding behind their parent’s leg and pointing a finger at you.
This relationship between the narcissist and the enabling parent is often described as a “cult of two.” They share a reality that no one else is allowed to enter. The parent validates the narcissist because the narcissist is an extension of the parent’s ego. If the narcissist is wrong, then the parent who raised them is wrong, and neither of them can tolerate that shame. So they form a blockade. They reinforce each other’s paranoia, telling each other that the outside world is dangerous, that their enemies are ungrateful, and that they are the only two people who truly understand. What is terrifying is that the narcissist will choose this toxicity over a healthy life with you. My father chose the validation of a psychopath over a relationship with his own family. He chose the comfort of being told he was right over the hard work of actually being right.
The enabling parent becomes a vault where the narcissist hides their shame. When they run to them, they are effectively running away from themselves. They are escaping from the reflection you showed them—a person who needs to grow, to apologize, and to change. The parent reflects a person who is perfect, who is understood, and who is the eternal victim. Which reflection do you think a coward chooses? They choose the one that requires no work. No brainer.
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