Next is what I call body-based panic. As narcissists age, some collapse inward, while others explode outward. Rather than slowing down, they panic. Instead of accepting their age, they fight it as if it were a personal enemy. This leads them to a frantic, hypersexualized stage where they try to outrun their mortality by clinging to anything that makes them feel young, desirable, or relevant. Their personality shifts into something unsettling. The archetypes of the “dirty old man” or “mutton dressed as lamb” emerge. They become obsessed with proving they still “have it,” often in desperate, embarrassing ways, even to the point of humiliating their own children.
What are they doing? They chase validation, trying to convince themselves that time has not affected them. Each flirtation, inappropriate compliment, and attempt to dress younger serves as a coping mechanism to avoid confronting the one thing they cannot tolerate: aging. Their behavior becomes frantic. They may pursue partners much younger than themselves—accessing youth, they feel in control. They obsess over their bodies and appearances, suddenly trying to lose weight, change their clothing, build muscle, and improve their sexual performance. You may witness late-age gym obsessions, midlife tattoos, inappropriate outfits, and plastic surgeries, along with a sense of urgency to compete with those who could literally be their children.
Joy Eater Phase: Resentment of Others’ Happiness
The final phase is what I refer to as the joy eater phase. The one thing an aging narcissist cannot tolerate is your happiness. A healthy parent feels proud when their child succeeds; however, an aging narcissist feels threatened. Your joy becomes proof of everything they never achieved. Your accomplishments serve as reminders of everything they squandered, and your youth becomes the mirror they’ve been running from their entire lives. Their personalities shift in a predictable manner. They begin to perceive their own child’s success as an affront. Your milestones feel competitive, leading them to ruin moments that should have been cherished memories. If you get married, they create a scene. If you graduate, they pick a fight. If you have a baby, they criticize your parenting. If you succeed at work, they find ways to belittle it.
They do not act this way by accident or out of irritation; they do it because your joy makes them feel small, and your growth highlights their stagnation. Rather than growing with you, they attempt to shrink you back into the emotional abyss they’re stuck in. They need you to feel small so they can feel significant again. They aim to dim your light so their own decline doesn’t hurt so much.
Conclusion: Finding Your Way Out
5 Biggest THINGS a Narcissist Does When You’re Not Looking
So, what should you do if you’re entangled with a narcissist like this? Find your way out, because it’s only going to get worse. Thank you for listening; I will talk to you in the next episode. Until then, as always, let the healing begin.
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