This phenomenon, also called cognitive regression, occurs as narcissists grow older. Instead of becoming wiser, calmer, or more stable, they emotionally regress. While their physical age increases, their emotional maturity declines. The older they get, the more apparent it becomes that they are not maturing at all—they are slowly regressing. They lose the limited emotional control they once had and can no longer hide their tantrums, sulking, mood swings, or passive-aggressive silence. You might see a grown adult in their late 40s or 50s behaving like a frustrated child, slamming doors, refusing to talk for days, giving dramatic silent treatments, and getting irritated over trivial matters. These behaviors are not minor mood issues; they are reminiscent of toddler behavior surfacing through an adult exterior.
The problem worsens as their ability to disguise these behaviors weakens. Their emotional restraints, which once helped them maintain a good-person image, diminish. They become too exhausted to keep pretending, too drained to maintain composure, and unable to keep the sheep’s mask on their wolf’s facade. Publicly, their mask begins to fall off. They become sloppy with their cruelty; rudeness becomes more evident, and envy shows on their faces. They interrupt, snap, and embarrass themselves without even realizing how they appear. The charm they once relied on no longer works, and the self-control needed to hide their true nature simply isn’t there.
The Collapsed Victim: Shifting Identities
Now, let’s examine the second aspect, which I refer to as the collapsed victim. As narcissists age, life begins to deliver truths they are not accustomed to hearing. They notice that people are no longer swayed by their charm. Family members who once had patience start giving up, and their careers don’t unfold as they imagined because people begin to see their true colors. At this point, narcissists shift from playing the hero to portraying themselves as professional victims. They center their entire identity around their suffering, retelling old stories that paint them as wronged by everyone—parents, children, coworkers, and even strangers.
What makes them truly dangerous is that they begin to believe their own delusions. They cannot accept that their lives turned out the way they did because of their own choices and behaviors. Instead, they construct a new reality where everyone else is to blame: “If you had supported me, things would have been different”; “My kids made my life harder”; “People used me.” They convince themselves they are the ones who were sacrificed rather than the ones who caused harm. Once they adopt this mindset, they no longer see themselves as individuals who made mistakes; they see themselves as betrayed victims.
#1 Sign a Narcissist Knows That You KNOW What They Are
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