A narcissistic man who is emotionally attached to another man does not truly want to sleep with you; he wants to use you as an eraser for his shame, desires, and true identity. You were never part of the equation; you were merely part of the disguise. If you have ever witnessed how he lights up around certain men—how he softens, becomes more lively, or tries harder—you already know. You may not have had the words for it before, but now you do. His emotional loyalty was never with you; his intimacy was with him. You were just the camouflage that kept his secret safe. The deeper you look into this dynamic, the more disturbing it becomes.
These men do not just sleep with women to mask their truth; they perform intimacy like actors in a scene. Every movement is exaggerated, every gesture theatrical, and every sound artificial. The performance isn’t for you; it is for the part of themselves that they are desperately trying to silence. They are not proving anything to you; they are arguing with their own reflection. These men do not just use women as cover; they use them to fight battles they cannot engage in openly. You become the symbol he uses to punish the man he is secretly obsessed with, as proof that he can replace him.
Every time he sleeps with you, he is not proving anything about his sexuality; he is trying to win a battle in his mind that has nothing to do with you at all. Narcissistic men harbor a hidden rivalry with other men, wherein validation, admiration, status, and dominance matter more than emotional connection. His entire self-worth hinges on outshining that man. If that man rejects, humiliates, or emotionally withdraws from him, the narcissist feels destroyed in a way he cannot admit. He uses you as a trophy to quietly say, “Look what I have. Look what you don’t.”
When he sleeps with you, he’s not making love; he’s declaring war. He wants the other man to feel inferior, replaced, and defeated. The more threatened he feels by that man, the more aggressively he uses you. This is why nothing he does feels real or raw; it’s all an act. This is also why his affection feels empty and strange. His obsession is not with women; it is with defeating men. Their validation is his oxygen, their approval is his addiction, and their dismissal is his collapse. You are not the love he desires; you are the evidence he uses.
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