But don’t be fooled—those supposed sacrifices were all in the name of making them look good. That’s the reality with narcissists: they’ll use any tool in the shed to keep you under their thumb and make you believe that you owe them. It’s all about control, and phrase one is just the beginning.
Phrase number two: “You just want someone to cheer you on, not tell you the truth.” Narcissists are masters of twisting words and making you doubt your own perception of reality. One of their favorite lines is phrase three, a perfect example of projection. They accuse you of wanting to live in a bubble of mindless positivity and avoid the harsh realities they’re offering. In reality, you’re just seeking an honest, open exchange.
Narcissists are the queen and king of this tactic. They would say things like, “You only want to be told that you’re perfect, don’t you?” Whenever you try to bring up a problem, although it now seems almost comical, it’s extremely frustrating to hear. They point the finger at you rather than engaging in a meaningful discussion, leading you to believe that you are the issue. This phrase is ultimately just another tool they use to control and manipulate you. They want to make you question your own judgment while deflecting attention from their own actions and behaviors.
Avoid falling for it! Instead of being brushed off as someone who only wants to be catered to, you deserve to be heard and respected.
Phrase number three: “You need to learn how to love and forgive, not hate and blame.” This may initially appear harmless, but narcissists have a way of twisting it to their advantage. It appears to be a call for tolerance and understanding, but in reality, it is a demand for unconditional acceptance and forgiveness, with no obligation on their side. They exhort you to believe that any resentment or blame you harbor is unjustified, and that you are to blame for the issue because you refuse to let go.
It’s another method for them to assign responsibility to you rather than themselves. They are essentially stating, “I’m not the problem here; your unwillingness to absolve and forget is causing all the problems.” This phrase is meant to make you doubt your own discernment and emotions. It’s an attempt to convince you that the problem lies with you and that you need to improve. Avoid being fooled by this; you deserve a partner who will accept responsibility for their errors and work with you to find a win-win solution.
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