Covert narcissists, just like all narcissists, are addicted to narcissistic supply, wanting to feel special and treated as if they are superior to everyone else. Unfortunately, this often manifests through extramarital affairs, cheating repetitively on their spouse or partner, sometimes using dating apps. It’s not uncommon for these narcissists to have a pornography addiction or issues with drug or alcohol abuse. However, they are the same people who demonize and judge others who exhibit similar behaviors or struggle with the same issues. Covert narcissists are the world’s biggest hypocrites, embodying a walking, talking illusion where the persona they present has no basis in reality.
These individuals aren’t good and loyal spouses, nor are they loving and concerned parents or trustworthy and loyal friends. They practice nothing of what they preach and are completely out of touch with their own behavior. Finally, covert narcissists publicly present themselves as open-minded and extremely interested in others’ viewpoints and opinions. However, in private, they display what I call “intellectual superiority,” meaning they dismiss, ridicule, and belittle the ideas and opinions of others—family members and even their own children. They are some of the most judgmental people on the planet, genuinely believing they have all the answers and that their way of doing things is the right way.
If you dare to politely disagree or offer an alternative viewpoint, that will be met with contempt, complete silence, or a patronizing tone. Often, the covert narcissist demonstrates their intellectual superiority through nonverbal communication, employing tactics like rolling their eyes or yawning to show annoyance, or sighing to convey displeasure. All these tactics successfully make victims feel inferior and foolish, causing them to hesitate in voicing their thoughts or opinions in the future. Covert narcissists are relentless in their quest to manipulate and control, displaying rudeness and cruelty to those closest to them. However, usually, no one outside the home would ever believe they behave this way.
Covert narcissists are particularly concerned about their reputation and the public image they present. What people must understand about this type of narcissist is that they lead two very different lives, and the one the public experiences is absolutely nothing like the one experienced by those who live with them.
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