Number four is interesting and specific: expressing your needs during intimacy. This is a delicate topic, but we must talk about it because it’s where the mask falls off completely. Intimacy for most people is about connection—about two people exploring each other. But for a narcissist, sexual intimacy is about using, about power. Let’s say you’re in the bedroom, feeling safe enough to speak up. You say something simple like, “I really like this” or “I don’t like that. Can we do this instead?” You’re expressing a need; you’re showing that you’re a human being with preferences, feelings, and a body that belongs to you. The narcissist will often react with coldness, anger, or total shutdown. They may stop everything and say, “Well, I guess I’m just terrible,” playing the victim. Or, they may accuse you of ruining the mood. Here’s what is going on: they do not want to sleep with a person; they want to sleep with a fantasy. In their mind, you are an object, a toy—a prop in their movie. A prop does not have lines or needs. A prop does not say, “Wait, that hurts.” When you speak up, you break the fantasy. You remind them that you are a separate person with your own autonomy, which undermines their god complex. At that moment, they want to feel like they are the masters of the universe, doing whatever they want. By voicing your happiness or discomfort, you assert your reality. Remember, a narcissist cannot survive in reality; they need the delusion that you exist solely to serve their pleasure.
Showing Intelligence: Challenging the Narcissist’s Superiority
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