Rather than explain it, let me show you how it works. Let’s say you’re going on a date and you know you tend to absorb other people’s opinions or energy, especially if you want them to like you. I input that into the tool, which helps me check in with myself before the conversation even starts, anchoring back into my values, beliefs, and perspective.
When I was dating again after divorcing a narcissist, I didn’t know whom to trust, not even myself. I wish I’d had this back then—a trusted adviser in my pocket—so I could sneak off to the bathroom, ask a few questions, get real answers, and walk back out feeling like myself again. That would have been amazing.
You can use this tool anywhere: before a date, in a business meeting, even at a family gathering—anytime you need to check back in with yourself. What I love most about it is how quickly it identifies what you actually need. I only had to ask three questions, and it provided the same kind of advice I’ve given hundreds of clients: Stop wondering if he likes me, and start asking, Do I like him? How do I feel in his presence?
This is just one of the many tools I’ve built into this training. You can find the training for full price on my website, or if you want a sneaky discount, you can grab the narcissist protection checklist below, and I’ll send you an insider rate straight to your inbox.
Narcissists are drawn to people who assume the best in everyone—those who easily explain away bad behavior, soften sharp edges, or always try to find the good in someone, even when that person is showing you their true self. This reflex might come from compassion, your upbringing, or survival. But when it’s automatic, it becomes dangerous.
If you’re face-to-face with a predator and you keep trying to maintain peace or assume that they mean well, sacrificing yourself to smooth things over, that doesn’t protect you; it makes you an easy target. Narcissists count on this. They look for individuals who downplay what’s happening, feeling the sting but telling themselves they didn’t mean it or that it’s not worth making a scene.
Every time you explain a situation away, you teach them that you will prioritize their comfort over your own safety. They test this in small ways, using rude comments disguised as humor, boundary pushes, or guilt trips—something that stings but can be excused if you prefer to keep believing the best. They’re watching to see if you’ll name the behavior or minimize it. If you minimize it, they know they can do it again.
The heart of the contrarian is simple: a willingness to disrupt harmony, stay skeptical, and refuse to compromise your well-being just to keep others happy. It’s the part of you that is prepared to make things uncomfortable when comfort comes at your own expense. It’s not about arguing or proving a point; it’s about protecting yourself from people who rely on your silence, politeness, or need to be liked.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment