Some survivors of narcissistic abuse have a habit of nervously repeating phrases. They may do this to convince themselves or to ensure they’re saying the right thing. This behavior might stem from experiences where their words were twisted or weaponized against them, leading them to double-check for safety and security. As therapist Dr. Les Carter says, narcissistic abuse often leaves survivors second-guessing themselves, using repetition as a way to regain a sense of control over their communication.
If you notice someone doing this, remember that it’s more than just a quirk; it’s part of their journey to rebuild their confidence after a difficult experience.
4. Speaking Very Quickly
Survivors of narcissistic abuse tend to speak quickly, almost as if racing against the clock. This often happens because they are concerned about being interrupted or not being heard, a common anxiety after being around someone who invalidates their thoughts and feelings. Psychologist Dr. Gabor Maté states that trauma can lead to a heightened sense of urgency, making them feel the need to rush through their words.
Remember, it’s okay to slow down and take your time—your voice deserves to be heard.
5. Refusing to Take Up Space
If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself refusing to take up space—sitting in corners or minimizing your presence. This behavior often stems from feeling unworthy or invisible, particularly after being belittled. Dr. Brené Brown discusses how shame can lead us to feel like we don’t deserve to be seen. When you shrink away, it often serves as a protective mechanism against potential judgment or rejection.
Keep this in mind: you have every right to be present and take up space; your feelings and existence matter.
6. Overchecking Their Phone
Are you still with me for number six? Survivors of narcissistic abuse often constantly check their phones, bracing themselves for bad news or rejection. This behavior arises from anxiety created by the abuse, where they faced criticism, neglect, or manipulation. Psychotherapist Beverly Engel explains that survivors can become hypervigilant, always anticipating the worst because that’s what they were conditioned to expect.
If you find yourself doing this, try setting specific intervals for checking notifications and engage in grounding activities to redirect your focus to the present moment.
7. Micromanaging Their Tone
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